year of living copyEntanglement begins the moment you step out of an equal relationship with your partner and become an advocate for your victimhood.


Not long ago, Laura was among three finalists for two tenure-track faculty positions and wanted the job perhaps more than she’d ever wanted any job. The interview and a teaching demonstration went beautifully, and since there were only three candidates for two positions, and since she was the only one of the candidates with a publishing contract for a book in the field, she felt good about her chances. After several weeks, she was told she hadn’t gotten the job. She listened, nearly numb, as the department chair gave her the information. That night, she told her mother that she’d like to just crawl into bed for a day of self-pity, tending to her emotional wounds, but she couldn’t take the time to do so. Still, she mused, she wished there was some built-in societal recognition of the need to take the time to grieve; her sense of loss and disappointment was significant.

Laura writes: The next day, I woke up as sick as a big dog, as we used to say in grad school. I had the highest fever I’d had since childhood, 103 degrees, and every muscle in my body—many I hadn’t even known myself to possess—ached. A nasty cough had started, and my head was pounding. There was no way I was getting out of bed; I tried and nearly fell over from dizziness. Lying in bed that day, feeling beaten down by the flu and betrayed by my body, it occurred to me that my mind and body had held a meeting sometime during the night while I slept and conspired against me. My mother called and, hearing I was ill, chuckled kindly. “Be careful what you wish for, for you may surely “get it,” she said gently. Her words started the thought going: Had my mind and body conspired for me? I was, after all, getting all the time I needed to hide under the covers with my sadness.

Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy, and sometimes, you are your own best friend. It’s all a matter of perspective.


Tune in to your body. Focus on any areas that call themselves to your attention as you tune in. As you become aware of any aches or pains or tightness in your body, think about your emotional state right now. I’m willing to bet there’s a connection. Rub the aching body part, and begin to release the emotional tightness; release the emotional tightness, and feel your body respond in kind.

Purchase “A Year of Living Consciously” by clicking the cover below: