Response-ability in relationship creates curiosity and reduces conflict

My friend ‘Mary’ told me that another member of our learning circle (formed for a finite period of time) ‘Jane’, had issues with me and had complained to her about me.  I don’t know, and don’t want to know, what those complaints/issues are as that is none of my business.  I did encourage Mary to take 100% responsibility for creating the scenario we were in – Mary was feeling in the middle and wary of our upcoming days together as a group.  When I asked her if this were a familiar feeling/situation she said yes and we explored that and she learned a lot from it.  For my part, I assumed that I was 100% responsible for creating this interaction, shared my stories about it and felt enlivened by it all rather than brought down. I was happy to see my own evolution having no concern for what another thinks of me.  I’ve known for more than 20 years that people are rarely, if ever, upset for the reasons they believe so Jane’s content was a non-issue – all of it was an opportunity of ownership for each of us involved and the two of us who took full responsibility felt closer and more alive.  Jane didn’t and avoided our next group gathering.  She has yet to share her withheld thoughts – or the benefits of responsibility.